Where My Head's At Right Now

So I'm crossing the one-month line of publishing my first book. It feels crazy to me to be able to write that. I never, in the 42 years I've been running this rock in space, would have thought.

I remember speaking to a friend that's a lawyer in 2020 and telling him about my overall situation, and one of the first things he told me was:

"Adam, you need to write a book."

Didn't take him too serious then, but thank you Owen.

I'm looking back at when I first started writing it and it's tripping me out. The late nights, the revisions, the frustrations, the anger, the love. It's been one hell of a ride.

These past few years I've been dipping in and outta shit, and learning that's a part of who I am. I like building things. Guess that's the carpenter in me. I like learning new things and adding the knowledge I picked up from prior projects.

On this journey to find my lane and destination, something that feels like what music once felt like. My passion. My calling. Making sure I'm following that gut feeling. Not caring what rules most people follow, or the norm most people know. It definitely has had its pros and cons, but I've learned to be at peace with both.

I'm thinking about how much I've had to learn just to bring this book to life and into physical form, and it all makes me smile. From the actual writing, to editing, to formatting, uploading. Did I say editing, lol. And then actually publishing.

Then the marketing and promoting side. Learning design on a light level, getting a bit deeper with video editing, doing a ton of outreach, building a website. Learning to use what I have and what I know to keep things flowing.

It's been one hell of a process. But I am genuinely grateful for it all.

My son caught me working on it not too long before putting it out. He can now read really well, so it's hard trying to curb him and make things seem like nothing. Plus I'd rather be honest with him.

Not sure why in the beginning I was telling myself he's probably going to read it when he's 13 or 14. Not that I was ever planning on hiding it, but more like not pushing to share. Guess I was a bit unsure how he would take it. The questions he would have. The feelings it might bring up.

Now I don't feel any of that for the most part.

Pretty sure we're going to have a short convo or two in the near future about it, and honestly I'm looking forward to it. I look at what me and my generation had to deal with growing up, and the difference between that and him reading something written directly to him. It's night and day.

I also think about him reading it at this age, 9 or near, then at 17, 21, 30, 45, and how differently it will hit each time. It'll sink in more. Deeper. Heavier. More understood each time.

This is the first project I've really put out since I've been on this healing journey, and I say this very humbly, I am proud of myself.

I remember being entitled to certain people's support, and on this project I had no expectations and still don't. I came out the gate like I'm just going to go hard and do what I can. It's all going to get to where it needs to be.

No asking. No begging. Just accepting what comes and being okay with what is.

Definitely no sacrificing my integrity in any way, shape, or form. Just pushing as hard as I can, and learning new ways to keep doing that.

I love the people who support, as well as the ones who don't. No resistance, no overthinking. Just pushing, learning, and pushing again.

I wasn't sure what to write about today, so I just started writing.

I started this blog section of my site mainly because it's something I've been wanting to do for years. It made sense now, and I'm very glad I did. I plan on just sharing thoughts, projects, and things I feel strongly about at times.

No rules for me here. This is my space. This is my house. Aqui mando yo.

Hoping some of what I write helps someone else feel comfortable expressing themselves. I've always held things a bit too close, and I've realized you can't heal what you don't reveal.

So yeah, there might be a lot of revealing.

Anyhow, that's my blog post for today. Just some of my thoughts.

This part right here still hasn't fully hit me. Nothing crazy... but it is to me. 😊

A week into really going hard with outreach... and it showed up.

Thank you to anyone who has purchased my book. I know things are hard for most people right now, so again, thank you a million times. It means the world to me.

Till next time.
Peace and love. ✌🏽🫶🏽